Thursday, February 02, 2006

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage.
Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships.Pseudo- boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends,but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal
agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for
you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi. This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a
break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong
nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa- kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-
break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relsyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo." This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun.
Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na
may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan? Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa w ala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they
would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig"feeling. Aminado naman
ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved.

For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit. My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala." Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig
feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan. But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind
of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi. Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if
you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos? Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all. Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your
emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls.Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when
one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan.

Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us."
Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang
mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And
usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo- relationship,
hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may
karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable,
hoping to bring back what you used to have, only
to find out eventually that the guy is in another
pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up
is for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in
the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh.
Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future
and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the
consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt
yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You
can be happy and live the moment without
worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop
settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the
real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship
with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige,
kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.
Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak
pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya
sa iyo, gawin mo.

Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence.
Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay
bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang
doon lang siya ... almost, but not quite.

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scream,scream! 1:25 AM